Mentors as Leaders: National Mentoring Month

This is excerpted from a speech I gave to a group of mentors and mentees at Metropolitan State University in January 2010 during National Mentoring Month. I’ve had requests for the speech and placing it here on the blog for those who are interested in the connections between Joseph Campbell’s work and mentoring.

Keynote Address: The GEMS in our Lives
Presented at: Metropolitan State University, Saint Paul, MN
National Mentoring Month
January 2010

By: Dr. Mai Moua, Leadership Paradigms
www.leadershipparadigms.com

Thank you very much for the invitation to speak here tonight about the GEMS in our lives: our mentors who serve as leaders in our lives.

One of my favorite authors, Marsha Sinetar, calls mentors “artists of encouragement.” To me, this is a beautiful phrase to describe the emotionally rewarding relationship that exists between mentors and mentees. True mentors provide you with deep wisdom that asks you to re-claim your authentic self. Meaning, that in your journey with your mentor, you will find a piece of your personal journey that guides you back to your true self

Mentors come in many forms – children, nature, in ideas and in work. Their role as leaders is to help you to reach your highest potential; to plant the seeds to your life victories. Mentors as leaders not only provide you with guidance and wisdom, they help to challenge your frame of reference by pushing you to explore, test, and put into action your goals and dreams; to conquer your fears and doubts. They can help you to come to an understanding of your perception of your world, thereby enabling you to see possibilities and a broader vision for your own potential.

Tonight, I’d like to share with you how I’ve thought about mentoring and leadership through my own experiences and work. I would like to illustrate these ideas using the work of one my favorite educators – Joseph Campbell. His thinking about how we relate to each other including the relationship we have to ourselves is a valuable gem in society. I’d like to share with you tonight his words of wisdom and insights about personal journeys and the connections to the importance of leadership and mentoring in your personal journey.

Finding the A-HA Moments. First, Joseph Campbell said that there are “A-HA” moments in our lives that allow us to see more of who we are; to become more of who we were meant to be. Tonight we can think of these A-HA moments as “Gems” – they can be people, things, ideas, events (such as marriage, death, graduation, starting your mentor-mentee journey). And, why are these “A-Ha” moments, these gems so important in our journey? Because they are an integral part of our journey and we need them to help us craft our own stories as we venture out in our journey.

When mentors lead they help us with valuable exploration and discovery such as:

• Who are you?
• What is your purpose?
• What is your passion?
• If you didn’t exist, where would the world be?
• What kind of world would we have without you in it?

Our mentor leaders or our “Gems” help to show us the challenges we might face while simultaneously helping to challenge us. They leverage our strengths so we can see what we’re really good at and to remind us that we are not small, not insignificant. No, indeed, that the world may be too small for us! Our mentor leaders ask us to take risks, listen to us when we’re hesitant to taking that risk, and then gently they prod us to “just do it”.

Your Personal Mythology. Second, Campbell said everyone has a personal story, a mythology, and I think that mentors help us to develop our personal story to tell the world. It is through this personal story that we come to share with the world our “private dreams and our public passions.” Your stories matter, the story about your experience with your mentor matters. Your story about your experience being a mentor matters. The stories you will tell about your mentoring relationship is going to be a part of an epic tale. An epic journey filled with lots and lots of adventure.

At the start of every mentoring journey, the creation of your personal mythology – you as the mentee/mentor – you have to say that you want this journey. You have to be able to say “a hearty YES to your adventure.” Many of you have already said “Yes” and have mentors or are mentoring. After saying “yes” some of you may not be entirely sure about what will happen on this journey. Like the Forrest Gump character in the movie Forrest Gump, you might say that in your journey, “you never know what you’re going to get.” And that’s ok, because if you already knew what you were going to get, it takes all the fun out.

Finding the HERO in You. Third, Campbell said that you are the HERO in your journey and all eyes are on you. How many of you have seen the movie the Lord of the Rings or have heard about the story? I think we are all like Frodo Baggins. We are the hero in our stories, our journey, and we say a “Yes” to our adventure (in this case our mentoring relationship), not knowing where we will end up, but somehow in the end, we have come to find out that the journey we took is one we never really anticipated or expected to turn out the way it did. We come to realize that in the journey there is something bigger than yourself that you get back.

Let’s use Frodo and his friends in the Lord of the Rings as a metaphor for your mentoring journey and to illustrate this piece about heroism from Joseph Campbell. In this situation, YOU are Frodo Baggins in your mentoring relationship – whether as the mentor or the mentee. You start answering the call to be mentored or to mentor and you give your hearty “yes” to the journey.

We know that in the beginning, Frodo wasn’t sure if this was the right thing for him to do. Similarly, you may not be sure if this mentoring journey would work out. Some of you may not have wanted to be mentored or be a mentor. Perhaps someone told you that this was best for you and you reluctantly became a part of it; but in this journey, you don’t have a choice. As Frodo’s fate is tied to the ring and where the ring will take him, so too is your fate tied to being a mentor/mentee – whether it is temporary or permanent, your fate has been sealed.

You have to recognize and claim the hero in you; that no one else can make this journey, the journey it needs to be, without you in it – because you’re the hero. The interesting thing about this, the answering of the call to mentor or be a mentee moves you beyond what is safe and conventional about yourself. It challenges you to move outside your comfort zone.

The second piece to your mentoring journey is that you have guides to accompany you. Frodo had this fellowship – each person on that fellowship challenged and supported him in various ways. For those who are mentees in this room today, your mentor serves as this guide, this leader; someone who can offer you guidance and support. They are there for you to point you in the right direction, move you away from harm. But the important thing about this guide, according to Joseph Campbell, is that your mentor is not there to carry your journey for you. What I mean by this is that your mentor and you both show up to the mentoring meeting and your mentor does all the talking and facilitating and asking questions. This is not your mentor’s journey; you have to take a strong role in your journey – because it’s your journey.

Although your mentor cannot take on your journey, and there may be pieces where you’re frustrated with your mentor, disappointed, not sure if you want the relationship to continue, during these moments, your mentor may not be able to take on your journey for you, but he/she can help carry you. I don’t mean this in the physical sense of carrying you. Remember the scene in Lord of the Rings at the side of the volcano, the third movie, Frodo and Sam were on the side of the volcano and Frodo said he just couldn’t do it anymore; that he was going to give up. Sam said this “Mr. Frodo, I can’t carry your burden for you, but I can carry you.” And mentors are like Sam in your journey; they are great guides, right alongside you, helping to lighten the load for you; giving you the short-cuts you need; helping you to see your own resilience and brilliance.

Another piece to your journey is a talisman. Joseph Campbell said that every hero has a talisman on his/her journey. The talisman brings you strength and can protect you from harm. The talisman may also challenge you to think about your journey in different ways. I am going to suggest to you that on this mentoring journey your talisman is something that you already have, but may not have explored in depth. The strongest talisman you can carry with you is your personal value systems. Knowing what values guide your decisions, your interactions with others, or what values ground you is the most powerful tool you own. Many of us go through life not knowing what values drive us to do what we do and because of that we don’t use them in a way that helps us – to strengthen us. Your mentor leader on this journey should and will challenge you to think about values and whether your actions and behaviors match up with what you say you will do.

Your values system is so important because your journey takes you into places that can be unfamiliar to you. You must to have strong values and principles in place and these will be tested. As an example, when I first was mentored, I was excited but I didn’t know what to expect beside the goals that I established with my mentor. I wasn’t really sure how I was going to accomplish the goals and the things I discussed with my mentor. For me, I am a planner; I like to be able to tell what I’m doing from day to day. I had to learn to let go. I showed up to our mentoring meetings with things we said we would discuss, but most of the time we ended up talking about other things that weren’t on the agenda.

For some of you – you may be on the other side of the continuum, meaning you don’t want an agenda; you want to play it by ear or be more relaxed about the relationship. Maybe you have a mentor who challenges you to put some plans in place. When this happens, you, like me, cross a threshold – this can be physical or it can be psychological. Basically, you leave a world that is familiar to you. This means you might leave values and beliefs behind because they may not serve you anymore on your journey.

I know for myself that I had to just let go and be okay with ambiguity. That was really hard for me as a mentee. Psychologically it was hard because I had always done it a certain way, but I learned to be more flexible and allow for spontaneity to occur. And, Joseph Campbell says that these thresholds we go through are there to teach us a life lesson; that these thresholds are there to prepare us, make us stronger. I would suggest that in the mentoring relationship, when you are challenged and don’t feel comfortable, that you question yourself. You should ask, What is this threshold here for? How will it prepare me to be a better mentor/mentee?

Finally, Campbell says that we can expect on our journeys people and/or things that may prevent us from moving forward. Sometimes, it’s ourselves that prevent us from moving forward in our journey. If you think about Frodo Baggins, he certainly had many people in his way. But what is interesting to me is that when Frodo was in his own way, he was the most tormented. We can get in the way of our journey (or mentoring relationship, being a better mentor or mentee) and this can stop us from exploring new ideas and possibilities. How we get in our own way is our own need to be in safe harbors, our fears about ourselves. For example, I remember holding back information about myself to my mentor. This information was about my own weaknesses and where I could improve, and I did that because I didn’t want my mentor to think badly of me. I wanted to paint a beautiful picture-perfect image of who I am and how great I was. But in the end it wasn’t helpful because my mentor couldn’t give me honest feedback and our relationship was never an authentic relationship.

Finding the Abyss. Joseph Campbell says “It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.” For many people, and I am including myself in this, it can be very hard to disclose your weaknesses, your fears, basically your vulnerability. The abyss isn’t really a comfortable place to be. I think that this quote from Campbell about going down to the abyss is an opportunity to look at yourself (the great parts and the shadow sides of you); and this opportunity then helps you to build your own capacity to become a better mentor and/or mentee. It is only through this abyss that you will come to clarify what are your hot buttons, what are your strengths, and what are your values. Using the example of Frodo Baggins and relating it to the abyss, we learn that if Frodo did not go down to the abyss, he would not have recognized or seen his ability to do more, to be more, to serve more.

In the end, if and when you reach your destination, you will be changed. In our journeys, we all return to our core, our home, our center. We come back not as the same person because the world we left that was familiar to us is now unfamiliar. When we return to true selves – our authentic selves, “we must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Frodo returned home, but he could never go back. His life was too different; he wasn’t the same person anymore. My analogy here is that at the end of the mentoring relationship, you will not be the same person anymore. You cannot go back to who you were and pick up the pieces as how you left them. Your story is different; that journey you took, whether it is three months, six months, one year, or your entire life here at Metro State, that the journey has led you to a new journey. You can look back and reminisce, but you can’t ever be the same. But in looking back, you will see all that you’ve left behind; the story that others will share and tell one another about you; the exciting journey that you took them on; how they helped you in battle; how they helped you to prepare for future journeys. Remember that the story you take with you is the learning you gained to be a better human being; a better mentor and/or mentee.

I encourage you as the next generation of leaders, as the next generation of mentors, to really know yourself, why you’re on this journey, and what type of legacy you want to leave behind for the generations after you.

One of my favorite texts is the Tao te Ching, an ancient Chinese text of how to live your life, written by Lao Tzu about 2500 years ago. It says, “There is a time for everything and everything in its time.” I believe that now is the time for you to take your mentoring journey. When the time is right, the gems in your life will appear to guide you, provide you with wisdom, and help carry you to your authentic self. As they shine their brilliance towards you, so to shall you shine your brilliance towards others. And may this journey of a thousand miles, begin with your first step towards knowing yourself.

Thank you for the opportunity to speak tonight.

Martin Luther King, Jr. and Cultural Intelligence

Today, as Americans, we celebrate the accomplishments and honor the memory of Martin Luther King, Jr. the great civil rights activist and social change maker. This was a man who understood the importance of cultural intelligence as a way to discovering our humanity and shared one-ness. He was a man who recognized the power of the present moment in shaping the future.

MLK once said, “Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Working in a global community means that leaders must have faith in bridging cultural differences, one step at a time. Too often in intercultural interactions we want to see the entire staircase before we make our move. Or, we rush to the end without paying attention to what each step reveals to us. What we don’t understand is that intercultural work and understanding does not operate this way. To be culturally intelligent is to have faith that each step represents a door of opportunity, that when opened, leads you towards your own cultural awareness and understanding. The end you seek is within. If we can stay present, stay focused and on course, and have faith that each step will reveal itself in time, we can learn to be better culturally intelligent leaders.

To help you take your first steps, here are some lessons I’ve learned from my work with culturally intelligent leaders:

1. Understand cultural differences and their manifestations. Throughout the course of my work in diversity and leadership, I meet leaders who encounter challenges, big and small, related to cultural differences. The ones I found to effectively lead through the differences were those who took the initiative to understand differences and how they played out among individuals, team members, and organizations. For example, John, the chief of police for a city in Alabama, told me that one thing he helps his employees to understand is the pervasiveness of culture. He constantly reminds them that a person’s individual culture can impact the entire culture of a team and organization.

2. Be able to transfer cultural knowledge from one culture to another. I find that culturally intelligent leaders are those that take the time to know about a culture. They look for opportunities to learn about the cultural facts, the music, the history, the language, and the behaviors of people within the culture.

3. Recognize their biases, assumptions, and cultural frameworks. When leaders are able to identify and recognize their cultural biases and assumptions, it helps them to let go of preconceived ideas. The ability to do this helps leaders to identify the elements of their thinking that get in the way of culturally intelligent behaviors. I learned that culturally intelligent leaders take the time to reflect on their biases and assumptions; they use mistakes and failures as opportunities to improve.

4. Be motivated and committed to working through cultural conflicts. Intercultural conflicts are extremely challenging but not impossible to work through. The times I found success in conflict resolution among team members or a manager and employee were when both parties were willing and motivated to discuss the conflict, even when it seemed that the process was at a standstill.

5. Be willing to adapt and learn to live and work with different cultures. I am always amazed at the ability of human and organizational systems to be adaptive and resilient. A leader’s positive attitude toward change and flexibility propels him or her further along the cultural intelligence continuum than a negative one.

We have an opportunity to identify and clarify our interpretation of the world, one step at a time. We can seize this chance through our faith in ourselves. All along the way, we will uncover who we are and build a monumental staircase that is uniquely our own creation.

Cultural Intelligence in an Age of Social Transformation

Peter Drucker, the famous scholar of management, said that we are in an “age of social transformation,” a period of our lives where social order is drastically transforming the human condition and what it means from what we have previously known it to be. This age requires us to reflect differently than before about our relationships, about how we resolve intercultural and social conflicts, and the consequences our actions produce when we are not mindful of our intentions. Similarly, Daniel Pink, in A Whole New Mind, speaks about a conceptual age where empathy and emotional intelligence are essential in business; where stories and storytelling are powerful tools to create unity, develop trust, and resolve unsettled business; and how using play can help us find life’s meaning and a deeper alignment to our core values.

The changes we see in societies around the globe necessitate a new and different paradigm for how we come to think about culture. All this makes it harder and more challenging to think and practice cultural competence in the same way. Howard Gardner says we need to approach the challenges that differences bring through acceptance, respect, and learning—a frame that he calls the “respectful mind.” We must engage in intercultural situations and activities fully; we need to immerse ourselves and experience the “flow” in order to harness the emotions needed to perform and learn from our cultural interactions. Leaders must be willing to explore and create new ways of thinking and interacting with the flow of culture.

In this age of social transformation, cultural intelligence is a topic of urgency for organizational leaders. I hear it from leaders and managers, and I see it in everyday organizational life. Environmental, political, and technological factors are quickly shifting the ways we work and interrelate with one another. Culture shifts are happening at a faster rate than organizations are ready for and capable of managing, thus creating mental and emotional havoc in managing and leading through cultural transitions. In many cases, the result is a tighter hold on the invisible aspects of culture and stronger emphasis for “the ‘right’ way to do the work.”

More and more, people ask for the tools and information that help carry them through intercultural and cross-cultural interactions. There are a multitude of tools and methodologies that are useful for managing and leading on a global level—the cultural intelligence framework is one of them. It is only one component in the equation for improving the management and leadership of cultural interactions.

Join me for a weekly essay taken from my newly released book, Culturally Intelligent Leadership: Leading through Intercultural Interactions. If you like what you read, you may also purchase this book from Business Expert Press, my publisher, at http://www.businessexpertpress.com/books/culturally-intelligent-leadership-leading-through-intercultural-interactions

I look forward to sharing my ideas and what I’ve learned about cultural intelligence and leadership. I hope you will join me in this very important dialogue!

Best –

Dr. Mai